It’s been a busy one- started a new gym that I love and am trying to not go too hard. I want to build strength and I can do that there, but only with consistency and that’s my focus. Not to fret over how much (or little in my case) weight to lift, but to keep showing up at 5:30am, 3-4 mornings every week and lift with good form. Progressive weight will happen and with consistency & good form it will happen faster.
My kiddo has started senior year and there are big emotions that I’m doing well at keeping simmered down, but they are there, at the edges of my vision. Do I stay here after all and keep a place she knows, a place to come home to til college is over – a place to return and visit with friends she’s had since they were toddlers – or at least she has her own apartment somewhere? Do I leap when she leaps; letting her know wherever I am she can be – safe and held with a love that lets her be who she needs to be?
**
I wrote the above another almost month ago …
No decisions have been made.
The gym was amazing, but too rich for my current budget so back to far too sporadic apt gym workouts.
I’ve been hit with deep sadness lately – not even sad in the classical sense, but more doldrums perhaps. Malaise of end days perhaps. End days seem constant now – news cycles stewed in and showcasing the worst of human nature. From FBI director ignorantly testifying about beastiality to serial killer snug filmmakers to a pathological so-called president to 100 degree September days.
Then there is my 9.5 year old dog who now practically has to drag his back legs up the stairs to our apartment – diagnosed with a sarcoma encroaching on nerve bundles. My 83 year old mother who is thankfully self reliant – but on the edges of my mind as I know one bad day can flip her into a fully dependent situation.
Then the cars … that’s just being an adult and dealing with maintenance of older cars purchased because newer cars were out of the budget requirement.
Anyway … how am I doing? Oh I’m fine. Breathing and moving forward. Just. Fucking. Fine.
